Push

Ok, so here's what you've missed...i got sick, stopped working out, became slightly discourage, got my courage back, moved to back to Dallas and for lack or a better phrase, gave the finger to the world...in a good way. I'm finally embracing me and doing what I want to do. I understand doing things and not doing things and being careful in order to make a life for yourself and making sure you take the steps needed to have a great future, but in doing that you have to live. I haven't been living for myself, but for everyone else. I have always been afraid of what people will think of me if I do what I want to do. About a week ago my sister told me," Mallorie, every thing we do has a consequence, good or bad." Everything I've done, every choice I've made has a consequence and I'm starting to feel it.

Since high school I've always felt the need to be what other people expect me to be and remained in constant fear that if I wasn't what they wanted me to be, they would judge me. Well, now that I'm almost 25, I don't care anymore. I don't care if you want me to be the nicest, sweetest person you've ever met because I may be that, but believe me, I'm just as sassy as I am sweet; just as bossy and brutal as I am bright. Being what other people want you to be is tiring and I don't have the time. It's all or nothing people, take it or leave it.

There's a sci-fi thriller, Push, that came out last year, I think. It's pretty good. Its about these people that were born with special powers; bleeders, sniffers, watchers, movers and pushers. I guess the most lethal was the pusher because they can push whatever they wanted into you mind and made you believe it. Sometimes I feel like that's what needs to be done. Society pushes everything on us...how we should look, what we should eat, what's hot, whose not, fashion, politics, etc. Well, push back! I've gotten to this point where I push back. I've always been a rebel, ask anyone who knows, but now I'm not just pushing society ( I've always done that), but I'm pushing friends and family, co workers and associates. People will always have this image of who they want you to be or expect you to be; if that's not you, don't let them push into your mind what they want you to be because you'll start to believe it and become it. Push back and make them accept who you are and what you're becoming.

I am a cocktail of some many different attributes (sassy, sweet, love, caring, rebel, party girl, extremist, sports fan, insecure, ghetto, snob, impatient, bossy, etc.) and there's only a handful of people that fully except that with no judgement (thanks Heather and Vonna, L, Joe and Kevin). Every else, well, if I'm not what you want or expect, you'll get over it soon enough.

I'm not saying don't try to better yourself or let others want you to be a better person, but don't change for someone else. If you want to change do it for yourself and accept the help and support from those who love and care about you, but if you truly love who you are and its pleasing to God, make other people see you...DO YOU!