Push

Ok, so here's what you've missed...i got sick, stopped working out, became slightly discourage, got my courage back, moved to back to Dallas and for lack or a better phrase, gave the finger to the world...in a good way. I'm finally embracing me and doing what I want to do. I understand doing things and not doing things and being careful in order to make a life for yourself and making sure you take the steps needed to have a great future, but in doing that you have to live. I haven't been living for myself, but for everyone else. I have always been afraid of what people will think of me if I do what I want to do. About a week ago my sister told me," Mallorie, every thing we do has a consequence, good or bad." Everything I've done, every choice I've made has a consequence and I'm starting to feel it.

Since high school I've always felt the need to be what other people expect me to be and remained in constant fear that if I wasn't what they wanted me to be, they would judge me. Well, now that I'm almost 25, I don't care anymore. I don't care if you want me to be the nicest, sweetest person you've ever met because I may be that, but believe me, I'm just as sassy as I am sweet; just as bossy and brutal as I am bright. Being what other people want you to be is tiring and I don't have the time. It's all or nothing people, take it or leave it.

There's a sci-fi thriller, Push, that came out last year, I think. It's pretty good. Its about these people that were born with special powers; bleeders, sniffers, watchers, movers and pushers. I guess the most lethal was the pusher because they can push whatever they wanted into you mind and made you believe it. Sometimes I feel like that's what needs to be done. Society pushes everything on us...how we should look, what we should eat, what's hot, whose not, fashion, politics, etc. Well, push back! I've gotten to this point where I push back. I've always been a rebel, ask anyone who knows, but now I'm not just pushing society ( I've always done that), but I'm pushing friends and family, co workers and associates. People will always have this image of who they want you to be or expect you to be; if that's not you, don't let them push into your mind what they want you to be because you'll start to believe it and become it. Push back and make them accept who you are and what you're becoming.

I am a cocktail of some many different attributes (sassy, sweet, love, caring, rebel, party girl, extremist, sports fan, insecure, ghetto, snob, impatient, bossy, etc.) and there's only a handful of people that fully except that with no judgement (thanks Heather and Vonna, L, Joe and Kevin). Every else, well, if I'm not what you want or expect, you'll get over it soon enough.

I'm not saying don't try to better yourself or let others want you to be a better person, but don't change for someone else. If you want to change do it for yourself and accept the help and support from those who love and care about you, but if you truly love who you are and its pleasing to God, make other people see you...DO YOU!

The Little Things

Proverbs 27.

i'm sure my co-workers think i'm the strangest person they know because most days on my lunch i park my car so i can be in the sun and look out over the city. after 19 years of living in dallas, tx (5 years in abilene, tx) i never realized how clear and gorgeous it really is. i sit and have lunch, read a little shakespeare or the Bible, listen to the radio, meditate or doing what's the most difficult, think about nothing. its honestly my favorite part of the day. i've always loved the fall, beautiful weather, football, NASCAR and so many other things i've taken for granted all these years.

i guess you never honestly see what you're taking for granted until its snatched away from you. now, its the simplest things that make me smile. for the last three weeks i haven't had to work on a sunday and i've been able to go to church and be with my family. i've never sought God with so much fervor until i had to leave church for work and my niece cried because i had to leave her and she didn't understand why and that broke my heart. i'd been taking my sundays for granted like i'd always have them and when they were taken away i missed them more than anything. it was the same thing with working out, i didn't miss it while i could still get up and get my sexy on, but when i couldn't workout for almost 2 weeks i thought i would go crazy.

this summer i had a friend to ask me what made me happy and i told him white butterflies (i totally took this question out of context). but i realized its the simple things that we look over. proverbs 27 talks about not talking about tomorrow because we don't know anything about it and how sweet friendships are refreshing to the soul. after i read that passage i made a list of the smallest and not so small things that i take for granted daily and here's a little sample of what i came up with:

sunday afternoon lunch with my family
meaningful friendships
a hug from my niece
a txt from a friend
good advice from my sister
laughing
sunshine
my health
my job (although its not my dream career)
my gifts and talents
freedom
movement
love
peace of mind
hearing the laughter of children
my sister being proud of me
my mom wanting to spend time with me
an encouraging word from my dad


this isn't half of the little things i'd forgotten to be grateful for; these are just the things that were taken away from me or i'd lost because of arrogance. please remember the simple things, the small things that seem minute and insignificant. whether you're rushing though your day like me or having a beautiful lax friday, remember something that you make take for granted, stop and say a simple prayer of thanks to the one who allowed it to be. take heart and remind yourself that these subtle notes in between the loud noises are what makes life so much better.

What If

i'm not the biggest fan of romantic comedies, but sometimes i break down and i'll watch one. well, i did. i watched Letters to Juliet the other night, and for anyone who loves with romantic comedies, this one was pretty good. i hate to spoil a piece of the movie, but Amanda Seyfried's character Sophie says, "What and If are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life..."

i love that quote because sometimes i feel like i live a life filled with "what ifs". i think about how different life could have been for me if i would have not been so cautious, said "i love you" more, hugged someone longer, kept my mouth closed, i could go on and on. i try not to live in "what ifs" anymore because they do haunt you and i don't want to look back on my life 20 years from now and wonder "what if".

i've been told that i'm a bit bold, but i don't think i'm bold enough, be bold. don't let fear keep you from what could be yours. you don't want to look back and regret not starting your business, writing a book, telling him or her you like them, going to grad school, taking a dance class, making life too serious or not taking it serious enough, overlooking the simple things in life, etc. please be smart, don't go crazy making your life difficult or someone else's life difficult. pray and be bold.

every situation may not turn out the way you want it to, believe me it won't, but you won't regret doing or saying what will keep life adventurous, spontaneous and fun. don't get me wrong i am very logical and realistic, but i have my moments when i'm an idealist. i know that life isn't all fun and games, but enjoy it while you can. sometimes i look at my friends and peers and feel like i should be at a different place in my life with an amazing job, in a relationship, getting my master's, travelling, starting a family but i had to realize that's not where i'm supposed to be. you are where you're supposed to be at this very moment in your life. where you are is not a mistake. don't use your friends and/or family as a measuring stick for your life's success. it took me over a year to learn that lesson, but i get it now.

let's not be so wrapped up in what we think we should be doing. let go, try something different, learn a new language, learn to dance, go on an adventure, play in the rain, read a book, fall in love, whatever it is (make sure its legal) do it and have fun and take someone with you! don't let the "what if" of life haunt you.


be bold. think bold. live bold.

If Music be the Food of Love, Play On

knowing me, you know that i'm a skeptic and a realist; some may think that i am a pessimist, but i know better. i wish i could believe in the one thing that so many people base their lives on, what little girls dream about, what women pray for and what men secretly long for, love. well, i guess i shouldn't say i don't believe in love because i do. love literally saved the world and i will forever believe in the love that saved a dying race and a world that was and is swimming in a cesspool of sin.

but the love i speak of is one that is said to make you do crazy things, lift you up where one belongs, makes you act foolish, blah, blah blah!!!! i'm not sure what makes me so cynical about what i have seen for the last 24 years. my parents have been married for 25 years and have known each other for about 30 years and they love each other and will continue to love each other until they're dying day, but i don't get it.

i want to understand, and i've had conversations with friends and family and i want to believe in happy endings, but i'm not sure if i do. the worst part about it is i've seen it, i live in the house with it and i see it all the time. will all the great love stories written from Romeo and Juliet to Edward and Bella i can't seem to find the connection.

i have my moments, although not very often, where i wish i were riding through Tuscany with the wind in my hair, without a care in the world and with the love of my life. then reality sets in. i want to believe in epic love, that which surpasses time and space, a love that reaches from heart to heart, one that lives on forever.

i wonder where my cynicism comes from? only God knows, but i believe one day this cynical girl with a heart for people will truly believe and have a heart for love. but until then, i will leave you with the words from histories great storyteller, William Shakespeare:

"Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love "

Great Expectations

For the past year or so I've felt as if I've done a lot of maturing; probably not as much or as fast I should have, but maturing nonetheless. I've always had these little saying that I keep close because they keep out the hurt, whether you think it be good or bad, it helps me. One has and will always be, "expect nothing". You may think it to be harsh, but I've always felt that if you don't expect anything from anyone then you can't get hurt and you won't be disappointed.

You can only get disappointed so many times before it becomes too much, and that's when I decided to "expect nothing", from other people.Once you get in your mind what you expect someone to do or say that's when things become complicated when they don;t have to be. If you expect someone to say something a certain way or behave or certain way and it doesn't happen like you expect it to, you've just made something simple into something complicated, in my opinion of course.

I'm learning to expect great things from myself and what I think is impossible from God. He can do, with our belief and faith, what we see as impossible and that's what's so awesome about God. I guess you can say I forgot my little saying these past few months and I started expecting things from people and like always got my feelings hurt. But, I've come to my senses and believe that everything I need from comfort from sadness to company from loneliness, I expect from the one who see and knows all.

Expect greatness from yourself and great things from Christ. People will let you down; its human nature, but He doesn't know how to fail not will He let you down. I have set a goal for myself beside on continuing to work on myself from the inside out, but to loose 25 pounds by the time I turn 25 (if it be His will). It can be done, and while I take on what seems like a crazy goal I believe God will increase my testimony. God will bless your ministry and your efforts, but we must never forget to worship Him in spirit and in truth which is the least we can do.

What will you expect from yourself? What will you expect from God on this week?

Born For This

If you ever wonder why you're at a certain place in your life or why you were created in the first place, other than to glorify God with your very existence, I think I have an answer...you were born for whatever you're doing right now!Right now, I'm having a difficult time with my career path and trying to figure out the timeline in which God wants me to follow, I'm learning patience and sacrifice and I'm trying to be an inspiration to others by being as open and honest as possible so people know they're not alone. So, if you're wondering why things are going absolutely spectacular or you feel like you're on a downward spiral in your life...YOU WERE BORN FOR THIS!!!

Your life, your existence, your raison d'etre is for this very moment! The struggles, the heartaches, the feeling your life is a sucking black hole, your joys, inspirations, light bulb moments, your fears and aspirations, the good, the bad and the indifferent all serve a purpose in your life. You were born for these moments, you were born to tell your story.

I graduated from ACU (pretty awesome place is I can say so myself), but today in chapel they or we (I watched online) had the honor of being blessed by Blake Mycoskie, Chief Shoe Giver and founder of TOMS shoes, and a very smart, savvy businessman. While I was listening to him speak and being inspired I was thinking that everything that went on in his life, being on The Amazing Race, starting his own online driver's ed program, becoming exhausted and going to Argentina, being in the cafe' at the right time, all these things were meant to happen so he could start a company that would change not only his life, or the people who received shoes, but every detail small or large was meant to happen so he could change the world! He didn't and couldn't do it alone and I'm sure he'd tell you that, but he was born for what he is doing right now!

OK, so many of us won't impact the entire world with the events that are happening in our lives, but scale it down a little; your story, your life may inspire one person, or spark an idea or simply out a smile on someone's, but your story may change their world. When I start thinking that my life is a little less than ordinary and there's nothing special about who I am, I think of my Creator and I force myself to remember that no accidents were made when I was created, I am not a mishap. Everything that I am doing and going through now, I was born to do!

Not Forgotten

Have you ever felt like through the hustle and craziness of life, you've somehow faded into the background, like you're screaming to the top of your lung in a room full of people but no one hears you?

Sometimes I feel as if no one can see me or has time for me, but then I remember that God has not forgotten me; even if my friends or family don't have time, He always has time and sees me. I am not forgotten.

I was talking to a good friend yesterday and seemed a bit discouraged about her job, and I as told her, I had to remember myself that when you see your friends and people around you getting the things they want and receiving favor from God, we mustn't feel bad or angry, but remember that it's not your season.

When you feel like you're getting passed over or you're stuck in a rut, believe and remember that God has not forgotten about you, although you are one in billions, He knows your name and is willing and ready to be there for you just be patient.